It's An Introductory Level Course... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I love Shakespeare. Even if he was actually Sir Francis Bacon.
I've only read six out of his 36 plays, so I thought It would be fun to take a college course where I could read more and become more familiar with Bill... or Frankie, whatever. The course I signed up for is called Intro to Shakespeare. Sounds good from the title, doesn't it. Not so.
You see, I was under the misapprehension that "intro" meant "introduction". Again; not so. I have since learned INTRO is actually an acronym for Intermediate Narcissistic Thinkers Rambling On. My class is filled with these INTROs. The worst of the douche lords is a fellow named..... let us call him Philip. I am almost certain Philip thinks he is Shakespeare's lover. He has been in community college for 5 years studying Sir Francis Bacon's work. I, myself, would not brag about such a thing. And, to make matters geekier, is always on his friggin' macbook with ninja stickers on it; looking up apocrypha about Will that no one cares about and shouting it out at his leisure. Yesterday he ever so boldly interrupted Ms.D's analysis of Fallstaff in the galling sort of voice used commonly by most 27 year old virgins who bring laptops to discussion classes; stating that Shakespeare loved to wear blue tights, and detested white ones because they were much harder to clean. Bravo Philip, I couldn't tell you how many sleepless nights I've endured, tossing, haggard and desperate: just longing to know what color Mr. Bacon's pantaloons were. Now I can rest easy, Phil. You're my hero. I actually hope he finds this page and reads it during class. That would rock so hard.